It wasn’t the upside-down crosses in your mansion
or even the lone, giant cigarette burning in the sky.

You walked me around and I watched the back of your head
suddenly overcome by the feeling of knowing
I was beyond what could be recovered from
the dark pixels of the forest vibrating in a virtual wind
distant panpipe music blowing through your speakers
It’s not that I didn’t love you before
it is just – there are some things which cannot be said
and some feelings which, if articulated too early
and forced towards the surface go blind
& it’s better to hold them off, or wait them out
& never say their name aloud until the pressure of what is unspoken
becomes impossible to hold back
and articulates itself within the body
like mice, running wild through a field of burning grass.

The train disappears underground and comes back up again
The cigarette distributes its vague cancers into the sky

Outside the sky is firing navy shadows like a T-shirt gun
And spring is on the wind like wifi
​
When I was miserable you came and showed me card tricks
When the moon was full we pissed into the bushes like animals
I watch you sleep, like a security guard looking at a famous painting
with a searchlight
walk me to the graveyard on the edge of your map
nothing must hurt you, not even me